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- We were raised to believe that we must search and look for love. However, we were never taught to love ourselves the way we want to be loved.
- Matchmaker and dating coach, Thalia Ouimet, weighs in on why waiting for love is a better experience than looking for it.
- She talks about practising discernment, dealing with pressure from friends and family, what to do while waiting for love and why you shouldn’t compare your love life to others.
Growing up, any conversation that had to do with love, resulted in us being told that one day we would find it. However, as life experiences have proven, love is inevitable, it finds you when it’s meant to find you, at the time it’s meant to find you and in the manner that it’s meant to find you.
New York-based matchmaker and dating coach, Thalia Ouimet weighs in on how love finds you, and not the other way around.
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“When it comes to love, you always attract the type of love that you give to yourself. At whatever part of life you’re in, if you truly love yourself first and you have unconditional love and respect for yourself then that type of love will find you. The right love will always find you,” she says.
While this may be a great perspective, waiting on something is never easy, but Thalia says allowing love to find you takes the pressure off it.
“The key is to have an abundant mindset that whatever is meant for you will come to you,” she adds.
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Although there are many areas you can work on while waiting, Thalia recommends practising discernment as one of the important areas to focus on.
“Practising discernment is very important when it comes to dating. You want to use your intuition or ‘gut feeling’ to vet people. Remember, not everyone is truthful and practising discernment allows you to stay clear headed and seek truth,” she says.
Discernment also helps you avoid wasting time with people who aren’t being truthful about their intentions.
“For example, if someone says they’re ready to settle down, but their actions show otherwise then practise discernment and question that part of the situation to get to the bottom of it. And also tap into your own gut feeling and ask yourself, ‘Does this feel like truth? Does this person really want to settle down?’ Your mind, body, soul will tell you!”
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You can work on yourself and wait for love, but there is also pressure from friends and family and, Thalia says, you should remember that expectations from people are out of your control.
“Remind yourself that there is no pressure. At the end of the day, it’s out of your control so take a deep breath and flow with life. You’ll live a much happier experience that way,” she says,
While you wait for your love, there are several things that you can do to feel fulfilled. Thalia suggests filling your love jar with the things that bring you happiness and small doses of love.
“For example, going to your favourite restaurant and having that favourite dish. That small dose of self-love goes a long way. Spending time with your close friends and doing an activity you love is another way of filling the love jar and being fulfilled.”
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In a society that thrives on sharing everything on social media, which results in people feeling left out, when people post relationship goals it also causes them to compare themselves with friends or random individuals who are in relationships.
“I encourage any singles to not compare yourself to others when it comes to anything but especially to love. Everyone is on their own journey and everyone’s journey looks different. Stay focused on you, be happy for others, and show gratitude,” she adds.
The comparison is also seen during the holidays when people visit home and see their siblings and childhood friends in happy relationships while they are still single. At the same time the same single people are also pressured to bring a partner home, and if they don’t they get asked questions.
“If any of your friends or family members during the holidays ask, ‘Why aren’t you dating anyone?’ I would answer with grace and say, ‘Well, I haven’t met someone worth settling down with and I would rather wait for the right one’,” she adds.
