The hard truth about situationships: ‘It’s not genuine love or a real connection’


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  • UK-based dating coach Mia Fields says it is important for women to define their relationship requirements and set standards.
  • She says a situationship is a casual and toxic romantic relationship with no true commitment.  
  • “My advice – date intentionally, make your needs your priority…. and don’t get caught up with frills.”

A situationship isn’t something many women are open about, and often when it does happen, an unspoken expectation lingers at the back of their minds. UK-based dating coach Mia Fields says it is important for women to define their relationship requirements and set standards if they want a healthy and successful relationship. 

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What is a situationship?

Mia says, “A situationship is a casual and toxic romantic relationship with no true commitment from at least one person; where the other person’s deepest needs are often not met, preventing them from meeting their right partner.”

No one should be forced to be entangled in some arrangement they do not want to be in; however, the reality is many people easily settle for this.

“Situationships evolve because people are not intentional when dating,” Mia adds. It may start with the man indicating that he doesn’t want anything serious or covertly steer it that way. “It’s usually the woman at a disadvantage and does not even realise. When a woman acts out of desperation, from a place of loneliness or fear or for convenience, not believing or realising that she’s worthy of genuine love or a great relationship,” she explains.

Mia says the shift in dating trends, such as online dating, may have led to the more frequent acceptance of situationships. “I don’t believe the majority of women set out to agree to be in situationships, but rather it’s something which evolves and, in some cases, happens unknowingly. You settle for what you can get over having nothing. And this is really a form of disrespect on the guy’s part, knowingly stringing you along, not having solid plans for the future with you,” she explains.  

Truths about situationships

– The acceptance is driven by women wanting to be in a relationship and the idea of being their significant other. They yearn for what they didn’t get in previous relationships; to have that connection, they want to get his attention, to feel wanted and appreciated, and to satisfy social/cultural pressures.

– What you’re getting is his attention, maybe some affection, which makes you feel good, but it’s not genuine love or a real connection, not your true desires. It’s important to know the difference! And what does it say about them? The hard but real truth is that allowing yourself to be in a situationship indicates a low level of self-worth (the value you place on yourself). 

– Your self-worth influences every decision you make, determining what you want for your life and are willing to accept. Low self-worth in relationships looks like having no defined boundaries. Sacrificing your goals and dreams to cater to his happiness, not feeling worthy of having more, thinking it’s the best you can get and most applicable here, not having your needs met. The question then becomes, at what cost?

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– Some women may think they’re fine with being in situationships but are they, though? When a woman starts dating a guy, she doesn’t usually go in thinking I only want a fraction of what I can get in a whole committed relationship. Many times, she starts out hoping for a full relationship, but if the guy doesn’t want that, she then accepts what she can get, hoping things change. If a woman can honestly say it works for her, that she didn’t want more at the start, she’s not acting from a place of unhealed trauma. This would mean her needs are met, she has her freedom, and she doesn’t think about him very often. If they were to split, there’d be no rage or resentment. Then perhaps she is fine with it. 

Mia says if you do realise that you are in a situationship, you are not obligated to remain in it.

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“My advice – date intentionally, make your needs your priority, define your relationship requirements, set standards, and don’t get caught up with frills. Work on your self-development to increase your self-worth, which will deter you from settling and accepting only what you desire in a partner and from a relationship. Understand that there is more. You can have more, and more importantly, you deserve more!” Take back control, avoid unnecessary heartbreak, pain, sleepless nights and tears on the pillow – choose relationships over situationships.

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