Photo byPriscilla Du Preez/Unsplash
My friend was ready for a relationship, and she was determined to find someone so that she could get married and have children. She downloaded multiple dating apps and began swiping.
There were hundreds of first dates, and many of them weren’t a good match, but sometimes, the sparks would fly. After those dates, my friend would begin fantasizing about her future with the lucky individual… until they lost interest a month or two later.
Time and time again, this happened until she finally wondered what was going on and realized that some of her expectations and behaviors might be influencing what had occurred in her dating life.
There are multiple reasons why people lose interest. In my friend’s case, she wanted a relationship so badly that I believe that it often scared off her dates.
Here are four reasons that your potential love interest… could lose interest.
#1. You care so much it reeks of desperation
I have kept a diary since the age of seven. When I reflect on my younger years, it appears that I only cared about having a boyfriend.
There was one boy that I believed to be my soulmate. Our families were close, and I spent around ten years crushing on someone who had no interest in dating me.
When I finally confessed my feelings to him around the age of fourteen, he screamed to the heavens that it was apparent and everyone knew. My desperation was so evident that everyone knew I had a crush on him.
Yet even after that blatant rejection, I spent about four more years pining after the boy who would never be mine… what a waste of time.
#2. Your confidence is in the gutter
When I broke up with my high school sweetheart in my second semester of college, I wasn’t too heartbroken because I assumed I would meet many college guys.
The reality is that no one was interested in dating me because I had no self-confidence.
At the time, I blamed the lack of dating prospects on my hair which I had tried to dye purple but ended up being a faded green. However, when I look back, it had nothing to do with my hair.
I was completely lost after my break-up, and everyone in the dating pool seemed to be able to spot my insecurities.
#3. The timing was terrible
When I moved to a new city a few years ago, I decided to try some dating apps. I went on around a dozen first dates, but only one guy captured my attention.
He was intelligent, funny, handsome, and was honestly everything I was looking for except for a tiny problem.
He had recently gotten divorced from his childhood sweetheart. I knew instantly that he wasn’t looking for anything serious, yet I still managed to get my feelings hurt when he ghosted me.
The reality is that not only was he not ready for a relationship, but even if he “said” he was, it likely wouldn’t have been the truth. He needed time to heal from his marriage, and I shouldn’t have pursued someone knowing full well that I was a rebound.
#4. You spend too much time with them
A guy asked me out while I was in line to order a bagel, and we ended up dating for several months. Within a couple of weeks, he wanted to spend every evening and every lunch together. If I mentioned needing time with my friends, he would cheerfully invite himself everywhere I went.
I began feeling trapped, smothered and frustrated because I didn’t have a moment when he wasn’t there. I started pulling away, and things fizzled out as quickly as they had begun.
It can be tempting to want to spend every moment with a dating prospect, but it’s important to resist the urge. Having time apart is essential to realize that you miss/enjoy the person you’re hanging out with.
Oh, and if you’re wondering what happened with my friend, that story has a happy ending.
She became pickier about who she dated and made more time for herself. If she went on a date during the week, that was great, but if not, she didn’t sweat it. The apps and potential matches weren’t going anywhere.
After a few months, she met a great guy, and by then, she didn’t have expectations — she just wanted to have fun and get to know him at an average pace. Several months ago, he took her ice skating and proposed to a photographer hidden in the bushes to capture their special moment.
As cliche as it is, the moment she stopped working so hard to find a relationship was when she swiped and got the right match.
