CHARLOTTE, N.C. — Long-distance dating has less to do with distance and more to do with the individuals in the relationship.
These days, dating long distances is complex; it has significant challenges, but you can survive if you set your expectations from the get-go. Relationship expert, Jennifer Hurvitz’s says follow these tips, and learn to do long-distance right.
“Like everything else, if you want something bad enough, you will work to get it and keep it” says Hurvitz. It takes two to make a long-distance relationship successful. Both of you have to be in it to win it. Both of you. must demonstrate positivity, tenderness, and hope of being together for the long haul.
Here are some things you need to know:
- HAVE THE SAME END GAME! Make sure the distance is temporary, and you will eventually end up in the same place. Remember, love is not enough, especially when trying to sustain a relationship in two different areas. You must have common interests, goals, and values for this to work in the end.
- PLANNING IS KEY. While most folks work the best living (and dating) in the moment is to plan. Long-distance relationships need a clear and shared view of your future.
- A Very Important Date. The biggest struggle with LDR is not the distance but the uncertainty of when you’ll see each other again. So, it’s always essential to PLAN the next date. Planning will give you something to look forward to and a firm goal that both are striving towards. And it doesn’t always have to be the next time you’re meeting. It could be a FaceTime date night, a Zoom Birthday Dinner or watching a moving together on your iPads. I’s important to make dates to connect.
- Use Your Words. Communication is essential for an LDR to succeed; you must be honest about your feelings when you are together, even though you don’t want to “ruin” your time or “mess things up.” If you don’t share how you feel calmly and openly, resentment will build, and the relationship won’t last. All relationships take work- LDR requires a bit more.
- Money, Honey. This little LDR can get expensive! You may not be an hour’s car drive away, but more like 4 hours on a plane. Yikes! You should discuss a budget and who pays for what? Is it 50/50, or does the person who’s traveling pay? You could take turns and whoever travels pays for nothing when they get there. Setting financial expectations in advance can help avoid difficult conversations and resentment.
- I Got You. When you are dating miles apart, the “little things” become “big things”. A simple “I love you” text in the middle of the day, saying how much you miss them or “wish you were here” with a quick pic of your location is huge. Be intentional and remember each other’s hearts, emotions and feelings. Insecurities can creep up on any given day for no reason at all– reassurance is a loving and kind way to show you are “there.”
- We Got This. When one of you is questioning the relationship- the other needs to step up with words of affirmation. Hearing “You Got This” is comforting. One of the most incredible things you can do to nurture a securely attached relationship is to support your sweetie as they evolve on their own…even though you’re not there to witness it. They got a book deal, and writing is cutting your travel schedule; it’s uber-important to show your support and motivate them to make it happen! Trust me; they will appreciate your encouragement and love you for understanding. Oh, and they should do the same for you in return!
- Focus on the Positive. I know this is challenging don’t wallow in the negativity. Listen up, Buttercup! Just like online dating, no one likes a Negative Noah. If you’re down in the dumps every time you talk to your sweetie, that negativity will get old. Think about it! How great is it that you get to focus on your honey 100% when you two are together. Positivity is a winner!
Look, you can do it–lots of long-distance relationships work, and couples can live Happily Ever After. For more great tips follow Jennifer @DoingRelationshipRight.