It’s the year 2013.
I just started a new relationship with my beautiful ex-girlfriend Izabela. She is so pretty that guys kiss her ass non-stop. Her university mates even had a nickname for her, “Nilf.” As in… Nerd, I would like to *.
One day we went to a nightclub, and she asked me: “Are you thirsty?”
I said, “Sure.”
So she went to the bar to get us drinks. She took out her wallet but left her bag with me.
5 minutes later, she is still at the bar.
10 minutes later, no sign of her.
15 minutes later, she’s still gone.
20 minutes later, I still stand like a fool all by myself, holding her bag.
“Enough is enough,” I thought to myself. So I went to the bar. And there she was, talking to a guy from her university.
Man, I was so pissed!
But I kept my cool.
The next day I asked her to meet me at our favorite coffee place. After ordering drinks, I calmly told her:
“Look, I like you. But what happened yesterday wasn’t cool. I stood around for over 20 minutes, waiting and holding your bag. And in the meanwhile, you’re busy talking to another guy. You probably didn’t know how much it upsets me. If you do this again, I’ll throw your bag on the ground, and we are done.”
She said: “You cannot say this. No other guy has ever talked to me like this.”
I replied: “I’m not like the other guys.”
She kissed me and said: “Thank god!”
And I thought: “What the h*ck?”
But then I realized she was testing my boundaries. To see if I can stand up for myself. Women respect a man who can put his foot down if necessary.
And she needs to respect you to feel attracted to you long term.
How to pass the boundaries test:
Don’t suffer in silence.
Let her know your boundaries.
But remember, no one is perfect. There will be small things that will annoy you about her and vice versa. It’s part of any relationship.
One last word of caution: Never assume she knows your boundaries. So don’t scream at her if she oversteps them. It won’t resolve anything.
She’ll simply scream back, even if she knows you’re right.
