Welcome to a weekly life and relationships column by Iris Owen, aka Nectarine Girl – the reigning queen of Depop, fame-hungry wordsmith, and author of the wackiest newsletter in London, Nectarine News.
If only making a dating app profile was as easy as “I’m Iris, 24. Love to sing and always up for a laugh.” But it’s not. It’s like going fishing and finding out you are the bait. Luckily for you, I am great at this sort of thing and am here to help.
Let’s begin with the photos. A common trick I see boys do is to post a ton of photos with an adorable puppy. It’s rarely their dog, but sure enough, I always go “awwwwww”. I’d go for a balanced blend of modest and devastatingly sexy when it comes to your photo selection. Draw them in with a sultry look and close the deal with your grinning face crossing the finish line of a half marathon (NB: the “half” is the modest part). You also want an equal mix of selfies to pictures people took of you. Personally, I chose a picture of me taking out the bins. Stay humble.
When I first went about setting up my Hinge profile, I really thought that glamorising your life was the norm and everything had to be exotic and extravagant. Then I answered the prompt “My Most Irrational Fear” with “JCloths”, and my popularity went through the roof. The boys loved it. I came to find a date and discovered an entire community!
In fact, going super niche will always work in your favour. It may deter the 99%, but if it’s true love you’re looking for, don’t you want that winning one?