‘Failing fast’ is the key to dating, according to a therapist


If you want to find a long-term partner you might want to get used to the idea of ending things early and often.

“Part of dating is the idea of failing fast,” says Lisa Bobby, psychologist and clinical director of Growing Self Counseling & Coaching in Denver, Colorado.

This doesn’t mean dismissing people who don’t seem like a perfect match, Bobby says. It just means being more upfront with who you are, and ready to let go of those who don’t appreciate you.

“Be very clear about who you are and very authentic in the way you show up,” she says. 

Don’t try to control your image 

The point of a date is not to get someone to like you, but to understand whether you and this person are compatible. 

“A big mistake people make when they are dating is they become very into image management,” Bobby says. “They want to be liked. They are presenting themselves in a way that will be appealing to others.” 

A big mistake people make when they are dating is they become very into image management.

Months later when the hidden parts of themselves emerge it “feels difficult to deal with” for both parties, Bobby says.

Not only will this help you weed out those who aren’t a good match, but being yourself is more attractive to potential partners: 93% of Hinge users prefer to date someone who is emotionally vulnerable, according to the app’s data. 

84% said they wanted to better know a person’s values, 65% want to know about their feelings feelings, and 63% want to hear about relationship hopes and fears.

Treat dating like a ‘job interview’

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