Dear Abby: I’m dating one, but in love with another



I’m a high school junior in a predicament. Early in my sophomore year, during a school trip, I developed strong feelings for a girl named “Joelle.” She’s a grade ahead of me, meaning I don’t see her often or have many chances to talk to her during school except for the occasional chance meeting.

Because of our lack of contact, I thought my feelings were subsiding, so I started a relationship with another girl, “Amber.” However, shortly after beginning this new relationship, I had a long conversation with Joelle and quickly realized I’m in love with her.

While I still have feelings for Amber, it crushes me not to be with Joelle. To make matters worse, if I end things with Amber, there’s no guarantee Joelle would give me a chance — she’s bisexual (but primarily lesbian) and she’s close friends with Amber. I don’t want to throw away my relationship with Amber over what may amount to a pipe dream, but I really am in love with Joelle. Please help. — JUMBLED HEART IN SAN FRANCISCO


Amber deserves better than to be involved with a guy who is in love with someone else. Because Joelle is not only “primarily” lesbian but also close friends with Amber, do not pin your hopes on anything but friendship with her. Ever. You have two more years of high school ahead of you. During that time, you are going to meet other attractive young women who will return your feelings. These two aren’t that.

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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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