Dating coach shares list of red flags – including telling your partner what they can and can’t wear


Being told what you can and can’t wear, who you can and can’t be friends, or what you can eat for dinner by your partner have all been named as warning signs to look out for in a relationship.

Dating coach Jacob Lucas, 30, from Wiltshire, makes a living out of helping people navigate the world of coupledoms – and recently shared his own list of relationship red flags.

The expert warned that liking other people’s suggestive pictures on social media is “one step away from sliding into her DMs.”

His list, comprising of three parts, went viral on TikTok after countless users attested to his red flag 101.

Lucas said: “I decided to make these videos because I talk to many women across the world.

“There’s a lot of women experiencing the same negative situations with their partners.

“I wanted to raise awareness so women know to identify these negative behaviours from men and know that they do not need to be tolerated in a relationship.

“I want women to know their worth and know their partners should treat them with respect, kindness and love.”

In his first video, he calls out people who tells their partners what they can and can’t wear, or who they can and can’t be friends with.

In his second video, posted a day later, he revealed that a partner should never control what their significant other spends their money on, what they should or shouldn’t eat, and when they can and can’t go out.

His third video honed in on three more warnings signs – liking other people’s “thirst traps” on social media, continuing to talk to an ex when in a new relationship, and telling a partner they could get other people if they wanted.

From here, the dating pro selected the three red flags from his list he deemed to be the most damaging – the first of which was dictating a partner’s wardrobe choices.

Lucas explained: “Men do this because of insecurities and controlling behaviours. They try to project their own emotions onto the relationship which impacts the women.

“Some men try to control what women wear because they get insecure that other men will look at their partner.

“This then starts controlling behaviours in the relationship that can quickly snowball and leak into other areas of the relationship.

“These men need to work on their own self confidence and allow the woman to wear whatever makes her happy.

“What a woman wears can make her feel more confident and happy about herself and her partner should support this.”

His second choice was telling a woman what she should weigh, or what she should or shouldn’t eat.

He said: “This controlling behaviour can be very dangerous.

“It can make the woman feel very self conscious and this can lead to eating disorders and body dysmorphia.

“Unfortunately there are many men out there who do this and any woman who finds herself with this type of partner needs to leave them before it becomes even more abusive.”

His third and final major red flag was controlling who their partner should or shouldn’t have in their circle of friends.

He said: “Abusive partners will do this because they want to isolate their partners so they don’t have a support network.

“This is very common amongst abusive partners. It starts off by them planting doubts about certain friends.

“Then before it is too late they have isolated them from all their friends making the victim co-dependent upon the abuser.

“It’s a very sad and hard position for anyone to be in and if anyone sees this behaviour exhibited towards them they need to remove themselves from that relationship.”

The three videos amassed a combined 6.5 million views as many rushed to comment in agreement with his list.

One TikTok user commented: “He did all that… lucky I got rid of him.”

Another said: “Wish I had known this at 16. So true.”

A third added: “The amount of red flags I missed with my now ex! everyone you said he did.”

Lucas added: “The videos went viral and got an overwhelming response with many women identifying with these behaviours in present and former relationships and relating to how hard these situations are and have been.

“Also those who have removed themselves from the situations have said how much relief they felt once they have left those abusive relationships.”

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