She replied that she too enjoyed our time but that she’s dealing with an ill parent and would like to connect again after things “settle down” with that. I told her to reach out when she felt comfortable.
It’s been over a week. How long should I wait before I cut my losses and move on? Am I being naive thinking this could actually work? I really liked this woman.
–Waiting
A. She’s not asking you to wait, so assume she’s out of the picture. Maybe she’ll be in a different place someday, but for now, it’s a no — and now is all that matters.
Remember that it was only four dates. She’s not interested in leaning on you for support. She doesn’t have the bandwidth to keep the texts going, let alone meet up in person. Asking her for more — or a timeline — won’t help. New relationships take work, and what she’s dealing with probably requires a ton of energy.
I do wish she had been more clear about this being a more permanent decision, but you can fill in the blanks. Your response was great, by the way. You told her it’s up to her, and that you’d be happy to hear from her whenever.
Continue to look on those apps. Take a moment to appreciate when someone really wants to show up for you. I know it’s disappointing, but this is how it goes sometimes.
I know you really liked her, but timing is important.
–Meredith
READERS RESPOND
It’s only a week; what do you expect? It’s a sick parent, not a kid with an ear infection. This could be long term. CEERINE
“She’s dealing with an ill parent . . .” I think this is a generic excuse from one of those dating guides from women, a soft letdown for partners when one isn’t interested. Even if not, she has no time for you, and won’t know when she will again. Move on. GDCATCH
It could be a way to let you down gently. It could be a real situation. Just move on — don’t overanalyze this. FREEADVICEFORYOU
You always have to frame meeting people on apps for what it is: blind dating. After three or four dates, many people come to the conclusion that this is fun, it is fine, but I cannot see it going long term, time to go on my next blind date and find someone better. Others think, This is going well, let’s see where it goes. She is the former, you are the latter. HEYITHINK
Find the new season of the Love Letters podcast at loveletters.show. Meredith Goldstein wants your letters! Send your relationship quandaries and questions to [email protected]. Columns and responses are edited and reprinted from boston.com/loveletters.
