Dating in college can be tricky. Like anything else, there’s an rt to it. You see, it’s easy to be 18, naïve, and a hopeless romantic. Going from person to person, having talking stages, sneaky-links and ghosting are accepted social behaviors in today’s culture. Our knowledge of what constitutes a healthy relationship is limited.
Twitter pages like Justinlaboy normalized toxic behaviors. Many young people romanticize pairings like those between Lil Durk and India, or Chrisean and Blueface. Harmful actions are commonplace on social media.
It can be difficult to know how to perform if you don’t have any role models in your life who demonstrate healthy behavior. Young people make romantic mistakes as they transition into adulthood that might be avoided if they were given a brief guide on the dos and don’ts of relationships from more experienced persons “having been there done that.”
The amount of healthy Black love representation is near record lows. Even Jay-Z cheated on Beyonce, and Lebron is always caught lying. Identifying warning signs early on in a relationship allows you and your new partner the opportunity to foster accountability, change bad habits, or proceed carefully.
Here are some red flags that I wish my Daddy was here to tell me:
Lying About Being A Star Athlete
A lot of girls pursue athletes without checking his stats, ranking, or status. Men take advantage of that to get into your pants and women take advantage of the fact that they are on a team with a possibility of making the league and end up pregnant by a future high school gym coach. Proceed with caution.
They Admitted To Past Infidelity
Believe them the first time and run. How you get them is how you lose them! Don’t let that go over your head.
It’s difficult to resist temptation if you’re looking at stuff on social media that you’re drawn to. If they follow mostly attractive random people on their social media accounts, they are probably a cheater. Every time you stay after you catch them cheating you are giving them a pass to continue.
They think you don’t love yourself and can walk all over you. Leave the first time. Pay attention to how they act around their phone. Always keeping it in their pocket or face down are sometimes an indication of secrecy. If you have the inkling to look for through your partner’s phone, that’s your intuition. But don’t confuse intuition with paranoia. Don’t go searching for anything you are not ready to find, because you are going to find exactly what you’re looking for.
If He Never Pays For Anything, He Won’t Provide For You Or A Family
Some people show signs of care and love when they respect their lover. In college income is limited Some people can afford to.
Unless You’re Married, Think Twice About Relocating With A Partner
A lot of young people make the crippling mistake of choosing a school or city based on where their partner is going and not where it’s most convenient. What happens if you break up? Don’t base your life off of what someone else is doing, especially when you just finished high school and haven’t had the opportunity to experience what the world has to offer. If you do choose to move, make sure you are finished pursuing your degree. Don’t drop out of school midway through to chase a lover.
Make Note Of Inconsistency Or Being Non-Committal
If they say they are not ready for a relationship, believe them. Don’t try to change them because when they find the right one they’ll be ready. We sometimes hurt our own feelings when someone tells us they are “just chilling” but in our hearts we want more. We think that if we perform the role of being exclusive that will somehow inspire them to want to be exclusive too.
He’s clear on what he wants, it’s you that’s confused.
Be Aware Of Soul Diggers
A lot of spiritual people attract people who need healing. You should always extend yourself to people who need support but beware of energy leeches. They can drain your energy leaving you empty and they will still never be fulfilled.
If They Don’t Have A Good Relationship With Their Family Members, Don’t Expect Them To Be A Family Person
Sometimes it’s hard to connect with your own children and chosen families when you didn’t grow up in a safe loving environment. A lot of abusers have a villain origin story where they were also abused, abandoned, or neglected. Be careful not to procreate with people who have not healed through those traumas. It’s important to break these generational curses and not continue the cycle.
It takes a little extra work! If they aren’t willing to put in that work, that’s a red flag!
Never Let Anyone Convince You To Not Use Protection During Sexual Intercourse
Don’t let yourself be taken in by a feeling or moment that could endanger your health or your life. The prevalence of STDs and STIs is skyrocketing. Always use protection. Pregnancy can also occur at any time, in any place. Having intercourse unprotected can increase your chances of an unplanned pregnancy. Don’t take the chance of getting pregnant while in college; this could be a massive distraction from your goal of finishing school.
Seyna Clark is a junior journalism major at the University of Mississippi. She seeks to bring her brand of truth to the masses with candor and compassion. Feel free to follow her thoughts and more here.