I work with women looking to attract a long-term relationship that lasts, and if you’re looking for commitment rather than a hookup, it’s important to start a new connection the right way.
So, how do you do this?
You build emotional attraction.
If a man asks you out and is pursuing you, there’s a high chance he is already physically turned on by you. But how do you build that all-important emotional connection?
Hint: you don’t need to head to the bedroom!
Here are some strange (but proven) ways to turn a guy on emotionally.
- Withhold intimacy until you build that emotional connection
Ten years ago, I went to an event and met this amazing woman who I instantly connected with. We ended up on a first date, and everything was going great until she said:
“Look, can we just skip all this and go back to your place? I like to look for sexual compatibility before getting to know someone.”
I was shocked! Although this is most guys’ fantasy, it had never happened to me before, and I didn’t know what to do.
What’s funny is it instantly killed the vibe we had the moment it happened. All that juicy tension that was building between us was gone. I wasn’t feeling it anymore, and neither was she.
In life, we value what we work for. When something is too easy, we rarely appreciate it.
This is why if you’re looking for a relationship, I recommend staying clear of the bedroom until you’ve gotten to know the guy and built a friendship. Make him work for you!
- Change your voice tonality to something more soft & sensual
If you’re looking for a masculine, dominant, alpha-male kind of guy, then you’ve got to give men a chance to lean into their masculine energy.
How do you do that?
By leaning into your feminine energy.
Many of our clients here at Love Strategies are alpha females at the top of their careers and natural leaders. I’ve found that a lot of these women spend most of their time in their inner masculine because their work requires this and because they have a misconception that feminine energy is weak. But feminine energy is powerful in its own way.
One of the best ways to lean into your femininity is to bring awareness to your tone of voice and speak in a softer, more sensual way.
The words we say matter a lot less than how we say them.
- Ask him for advice
One of my clients is a chief software engineer and works at the top of a super successful Silicon Valley company. Last week she mentioned she was talking to a guy she liked but could feel him slipping away. She also noticed that she had gradually been defaulting back to her take-charge alpha mode.
I told her, “Ask this guy for some advice.”
“I don’t need any advice!” she said.
I asked her, “do you want to feel wanted by this guy?”
“Yes,” she answered.
“Well, he needs to feel needed by you.”
Most guys (at least high-value ones) are not intimidated by smart, successful women. However, they do want to feel needed in a non-needy way.
A simple way to make them feel needed early on is to ask for some advice. You could ask him if he knows the best yoga studio in town, a recommendation on a neighborhood to move to, or tips on how to go shopping for a new car and snag a deal.
When you do this, he will instantly feel needed and want to guide you through the process. This is a great way to build an emotional connection.
- Try something new together
The final way to emotionally turn a guy on is to have a new experience together. I recommend doing this after you’ve gone out with a guy two or three times and you’re at what I call Little Love Step #4.
You could explore a new city, go rock climbing on a date, or visit a vineyard together. Whatever it is, it has to be new for both of you, and it has to be fun and exciting!
What this will do is help him associate that fun and excitement with you. And this is a powerful way to connect on a deep, emotional level.
The #1 thing I do not recommend you do
Do not, under any circumstances, send a guy a picture of you that you would not want to be posted on social media.
Unfortunately, many women find themselves in a situation where photos they send in a private context to a guy are shared with his friends or, worse, posted online. Once a picture like that gets out, you can’t take it back.
Of course, this is a gross breach of privacy and trust. The best thing you can do to avoid this is to not send photos like this to anyone you don’t fully know or trust. It’s not worth it, and you don’t need to do this to build a meaningful connection.