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- Dating coach Mia Fields details four signs to alert you that although you might act like you are in relationship, you are actually in a situationship.
- You give him the girlfriend and wife benefits of a committed relationship, though he doesn’t reciprocate them.
- There are no labels on your relationship; you don’t have a title; he treats you like an option, not a priority.
Some people are in situationships and don’t know it, or they hope their ‘arrangement’ and status will change. Dating coach Mia Fields details four indicators that you are in a situationship:
1. You behave as though you’re in a committed relationship when you’re not. You think you can eventually fix his commitment issues while clinging on to hope that one-day things will change and he’ll come around. The sad reality is he wants you in his life periodically but doesn’t necessarily need you; he could use you as a place filler until he finds the right partner.
2. Unmatched benefits: You get his attention when he’s ready; your feelings are not a priority to him. He gets what he wants out of it, but you’re left frustrated, often left wanting more. Your needs aren’t often met.
You don’t feel seen, heard or appreciated; he may have a history of short relationships. When you realise he’s not all in, you start doing and giving more to entice him into being ‘all in’. You give him the girlfriend and wife benefits of a committed relationship, though he doesn’t reciprocate them.
3. Confusion: You often need clarification on him or about the relationship; his actions and words don’t often match up. You don’t meet his friends or family (maybe only one or two of the guys), last minute dates or frequent cancellations of dates are a norm.
You usually meet indoors (mainly at night) and rarely go out. Your interactions with him are sporadic and mostly on his terms; communication is not predictable or wholesome, calls and chats have no substance, and he may not connect for a day or more because he is ‘busy’.
4. Status: There are no labels on your relationship; you don’t have a title; he treats you like an option, not a priority. You may have to beg him for his time. There’s no discussion about the future or any long-term plans; there’s no indication that things will progress to the next relationship stage; he doesn’t openly claim you but expects you not to date anyone else (and you oblige).
To avoid labels and titles, he might say let’s see how things go, let’s go with the flow, I don’t want a girlfriend right now (though you’re precisely that and more to him), or I’m not looking for anything serious, I like what we have right now. He’s not giving you ‘I’m genuinely interested in you’ vibes though you still entertain him.
Mia Fields is a professional dating coach, also known as The Emergent Woman on social media. She helps women get the right partner by developing the best dating strategy and avoiding unnecessary heartbreak.